Helen Holmes is a writer living in Manhattan. She tweets fervently @helenbholmes.

12:15 am > I’m dancing, somewhat hindered by the heavy leather jacket hanging from my shoulders, to the Pluto Moons in Greenpoint Gallery. I hadn’t really felt like going out, because just a few hours ago I was still reeling from watching Mulholland Drive. It was the second time I’d even seen it, and watching a David Lynch movie with another person (as opposed to alone) is always more fun: you feel conspiratorial rather than terrified. Anyways, my boyfriend Ari insisted that we get out of my apartment and meet up with our friend Casey, and I’m glad we did. I hadn’t known the Pluto Moons would be playing, and I feel great because two of the guys in the band went to high school with me in Massachusetts. They recognize me as I move through the crowd. “Hey Helen Holmes!” Max yells into the mic. Hi!

12:50 > I’m in a bar with Casey and Ari; the three of us are drinking. Casey is eating tater tots smothered in Dijon mustard, barbecue sauce, pulled pork, and pepper jack cheese. I’ve got a burger. Casey is around six feet tall and supremely modelesque, but so warm and geeky that I’m unable to resent her for her truly unbelievable physical attributes. The three of us talk relationships, a subject which Ari is far more eager to discuss than I. I’m tipsy and really enjoying leaning back and listening to Casey and Ari discuss Casey’s (recently fraught) dating life. They met before Ari and I did, and their easy intimacy warms me up like I’m sitting next to a flickering campfire with a mug of hot cocoa.

1:10 > I Facebook message Zach, the lead singer of the band we just saw, asking if there’s anything going else on tonight. Like I said, Zach and I went to the same high school; he’s two years older. He messages me back almost immediately, gives me his number, and tells me to sext him anytime. I should probably be pissed, but instead his message just makes me laugh super hard. Typical.

2:00 Ari, Casey and I Uber back to my place in the East Village (I know, I know). We smoke weed and watch LA Confidential on my laptop until we all pass out in my bed. I fall asleep first; I’m really good at falling asleep. It’s one of my greatest skills.

11 am > As usual, I was also the first to wake up, and when I did I giggled at how respectfully the three of us have slept together. We’re all still fully clothed on my “full” sized mattress, and we’ve all positioned ourselves on our backs, arms folded demurely across our chests. The three of us venture outside, headed to B Cup Cafe, which is just around the corner. Almost immediately, Ari finds a passport on the sidewalk outside my building. It belongs to a pretty Australian girl with a shaved head, and immediately I feel awful, because I can imagine how intensely panicked this girl must be at the moment. Ari feels the same way I do, because by the time we’ve walked the couple of blocks to B Cup, he’s found the passport owner’s Facebook profile. Don’t ask me how he did this, because I honestly don’t know: she wasn’t using anything close to her real name online. He sends her a message: “hey, this is going to sound weird, but we just found your passport on 12th street in the EV. are you anywhere nearby?” “OMG,” she writes back instantaneously, “I LOVE YOU!” Same.

12 noon > Casey, Ari and I are just finishing our sandwiches and coffee when the girl whose passport it is sweeps into B Cup, her gaze glancing off the big mirror hung up in the back of the restaurant. She leans down, plucks her papers from Ari’s outstretched hand, and takes off for the door again, but not before slapping 30 dollars next to Ari’s plate, despite loud protestations from us all. As soon as she’s gone, I start to miss having her passport.

12:15 > Casey takes off to go shopping, and Ari and I return to my apartment. We dive onto my bed and fire up Nathan For You. In this episode, Nathan attempts to help a client sue Best Buy. He’s ultimately unsuccessful, but one of his schemes involves placing a live alligator in an electronics store. Another requires Nathan to cosplay as a Hot Topic manager. It’s a really great show.

1:00 > I am now aimlessly cranky, so I leave bed to go make myself a cup of tea while Ari peruses Reddit. I hate Reddit, but ever since Ari deleted his Twitter account, he’s had to find alternate means of acquiring the links he needs to live. He’s in law school and works constantly, so weekends are really the only time we get to hang out for more than an hour or so (Ari lives in Ridgewood with Myles and Brendan). I return to bed with tea and my copy of Virginia Woolf’s Orlando, which I’ve only just started. It rules so far. In the margins of one page I scribble: “is green slutty?”

2:00 > Ari and I fuck, then immediately pass out and nap for 2 and a half hours, haha.

4:30 > We wake up starving, so we order thai food on Seamless from my phone. Growing up, my dad always did the cooking and my mom always did the dishes, so don’t know how to do either one of those things. I am, however, excellent at microwaving frozen vegan burritos. When the delivery guy buzzes downstairs, I step out into my common room and realize my roommate has been BAKING A CAKE AND CUPCAKES. Sweet hallelujah, yaaaaaaaaaas.

5:30 > Feeling refreshed from the nap and the early dinner, I decide to get some writing done as the sun goes down. While Ari watches 30 Rock in my bedroom, I finish a movie review for Jezebel that I started on Thursday and a homework assignment that I was supposed to turn in on Friday. It’s funny, it takes me much longer to finish my homework than any other kind of writing these days. Not because I care less about school, I think, but because I feel as though I haven’t been giving college enough attention these past few years. Whatever, fuck it, I’ve still got my honors thesis. I’m done writing, editing, and emailing in less than an hour because I’m a goddamned savage.

6:30 > Ari and I start getting ready to go out again: Rina, my roommate, is hosting a birthday party at a bar off the Montrose stop for her friend Stephen. Rina leaves hours before we do to surprise Stephen with the cake at his apartment, so Ari and I spend a long time getting ready together. First, we take a bath (I love baths), and I bring a mug of red wine with me. Ari brings his laptop, which we perch on the toilet so we can listen to Pavement and The Clash. For once, we’re both quiet as “Spit on a Stranger” wafts over us through the steam.

8:00 > I’m putting on makeup in the living room mirror while Ari screams along to his favorite Muse songs. I honestly think Muse is utter shit, but I barely even hear the music because I’m so absorbed in my *routine.* I apply concealer, powder, black eyeliner, mascara, stinging, shimmery lip gloss, and thick mascara. My eyebrows I save for last, because they’re fast becoming my favorite part of doing my makeup — I’m really working on the subtleties of drawing believable hair on my own face.

10:00 > Ari and I finally leave my apartment and head to a karaoke bar around the corner, where I proceed to get increasingly wasted. Ari doesn’t really like to drink much, but that’s fine with me. He’s totally content to buy me beers and take Snapchat videos while I do a rousing, growly rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” He cheers and claps when I access my lusty alto for the “I don’t wanna be friiiiieeeeeeeends, WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE” part, and I’m grateful for my rapt audience (there are tons of other people in the bar too, FYI).

Oof, maaaaybe 11:30? > Ari and I get off the Montrose L stop, and walk over to the bar (Post No Bills) to meet Rina and our other friends. We order drinks and fall into rhythm with everyone else, and for a while I’m having an amazing time. I remember making emphatic eye contact with my fashion school friend Valentine, but our conversation I can recall not at all. Before too long, I’ve stopped talking and my head is in my hands: I’ve overdone it. It’s time for Ari to take me home.